


this slope is treacherous

by charmalot, dropsofgallifrey



Series: something about you, it's like an addiction [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Merlicity - Freeform, Rarepair af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 09:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7796530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmalot/pseuds/charmalot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/dropsofgallifrey/pseuds/dropsofgallifrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of how Felicity started falling for Malcolm. UPDATE: The ending of this fic was heavily edited and re-uploaded as of 9/4/2016.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this slope is treacherous

**Author's Note:**

> I blame John Scot Barrowman for getting me to ship this, honestly. But anyway, special thanks to Alyssa for helping me get Felicity's character down!

Malcolm Merlyn is many things: vengeful, spiteful, cynical, violent—the list goes on and on. But one thing he is not: weak. Not for anybody, not even his family. For his family, he is strong. He is the protector, the guardian, the savior—and he will do _anything_ to keep them safe.

There was a time when he was weak. A period of eight years when he was married to the love of his life, Rebecca. He was untrained in combat, but well versed in the ways of love. During those years, all was perfect. But her murder put an end to the perfection.

From then on, he vowed he would never feel so helpless as he did the night she died. After years of training with the League of Assassins and honing his newfound skills, he became something that he knew his wife would never want him to become: a monster.

This monster killed for his murdered wife, for his dead son, for his living daughter, and for himself. He was selfish, yet selfless, and he was very sorry for what he became. He wanted to be better than this, but life had a way of backing him into a corner and forcing him to fight.

Sometimes, it makes Felicity wonder how exactly she started falling for this mess of a man who betrayed her friends time and again.

\---

It all started one evening in the Arrowcave beneath Oliver Queen’s campaign office. The office is deserted, as everyone has gone home for the night. But just because the work day is over, it doesn’t mean there isn’t work to be done.

Down in the lair, Felicity is seated at the computers, fingers flying over the keys as she speaks over the comms to the team. When she’s in the zone, nothing can break her focus. Not even a familiar presence in the shadows.

“Boom! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Felicity exclaims happily as she sits back in her chair. Then she asks, “Everyone okay?” over the comms and waits for their responses. When everyone checks in and confirms that they aren’t hurt, she sighs in relief.

The applause of a single person reverberates off the walls of the lair as the man reveals himself from the shadows. “Bravo, Miss Smoak,” Malcolm says, an air of sarcasm in his tone.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Felicity demands in response, feeling just a tad startled, though she really should be used to these abrupt entrances by now.

The man smirks as he clasps his hands behind his back. “I’ve come to ask a favor.”

This elicits a dry laugh from the blonde as she shakes her head, “You _can’t_ be serious.”

“I am,” he responds with a simple nod.

“You can’t be dumb or deluded enough to think that I would actually _help you_ , are you? What makes you think I’ll say yes?”

Malcolm stands at the railing beside Felicity’s desk of computers, that smug smile still on his face. “Because you’re a better person than me. Because you care about your friends. And because, if my memory serves me, I saved your life three times in Nanda Parbat.”

“Okay, first of all, did you just compliment me? And second—it was _your fault_ we were even _in_ Nanda Parbat,” Felicity scoffs in disbelief. But when Malcolm doesn’t say anything, she shakes her head and turns in back to her computer as she asks, “What do you want?”

“I want you to keep an eye on Thea. Her bloodlust is getting worse and despite my encouragement, she refuses to kill.”

“Upset she didn’t turn out like you? I can’t imagine she would have with you being absent for, what—the first _twenty_ years of her life,” Felicity retorts.

Malcolm’s eyes narrow as he looks at the blonde. “That wasn’t my fault. Her mother kept her away from me.”

“Probably for good reason,” the blonde mutters under her breath as she checks over the diagnostics running on her computers.

“Regardless, I need someone to keep an eye on Thea and report back to me.”

“What, did you run out of hooded minions in the League of Assassins?”

Malcolm has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes at this point. So instead, he shifts his weight from one foot to the other and exhales softly. “I’m trying to be a better father to her. Sending someone to stalk her isn’t exactly Father of the Year behavior.”

“Neither is being the leader of a group of murderers,” Felicity responds with a little huff. But she turns her chair to face the man once she’s finished checking things over on her computer. “What exactly would watching Thea entail? Because if you want me to make sure she’s _killing_ people, you’ve got the wrong girl for the job.”

Shaking his head, Malcolm crosses his arms over his chest, his hip resting against the table. “All I want is updates on her condition. Is she feeling the bloodlust, is she struggling with it, how much is she struggling—that sort of thing.”

Nodding in understanding, Felicity taps the tips of her nails against the edge of her keyboard. “Just one more thing—Why me? Or are you just asking everyone to watch Thea? Because you should know that we already are.”

“I am asking you because you care about Oliver. Oliver cares about his sister, but my mutual partnership with him has passed its expiration date. He thinks he knows what’s best for Thea, that he doesn’t need my help, but he is _wrong_ ,” Malcolm answers as he paces across the platform. “You care about Oliver more than I think anyone else does. Correct me if I’m wrong, but his happiness matters to you more than your own happiness does. So you’ll do anything to protect Thea too. Which means you’ll call to inform me on the state of her condition because I can help her.”

His words catch Felicity off guard. She didn’t expect he paid much attention to anyone but Thea and Oliver. Her brow furrows as she takes a moment to process all that he said, but then she’s nodding in agreement. “I’ll do it,” she agrees softly, raising her gaze to Malcolm’s. “I’ll keep an eye out for Thea. But—not because you asked me or for any of those reasons. I care about her too. Just as much as you and Oliver do.”

Her voice lacks the venom that Malcolm had anticipated. It would seem that there are still some surprises yet to reveal themselves to him.

“I appreciate your cooperation,” he tells her. “If there are any changes in Thea’s condition, call or text me. My number is still the same and I believe you already have it.”

“Yeah. I’ve got it,” she confirms.

Malcolm turns to make his way out, but he pauses just before he does. Without turning around, he says, “Thank you, Felicity.” But before she can respond, he exits the lair.

\---

Over the course of the next couple weeks, Malcolm kept tabs on Thea through Felicity. He returns to Star City a few times to check up on Thea in person, to try and convince her to kill, but to no avail. Thea remains adamantly against killing, even to sate her bloodlust temporarily.

However, his presence in the city is not for nothing. In a strange turn of events, he saves Team Arrow under the guise of the Green Arrow with the help of Black Canary. But unfortunately, even he could not foresee Darhk’s attack on Oliver and Felicity’s engagement night.

With all the commotion, surrounding the incident, Malcolm keeps his distance at first. He can’t afford to be seen by anyone outside Team Arrow, nor is there anything he can do to help anyway. He feels as though he will get in the way, so he waits his turn to see Felicity. His turn comes late at night, long after visiting hours have ended.

In all his years of League training and service, Malcolm has perfected the art of stealth, so he manages to slip into Felicity’s hospital room easily and unnoticed. When he notes that she is asleep, he goes to stand by the window silently. He decides then that if she does not wake within the hour, he will leave her be and speak with her another time. After all, she needs her rest.

But luckily for him, it’s a mere ten minutes before she begins to stir. Peering over his shoulder, he glances to the blonde and hums under his breath.

Felicity’s eyelids flutter as she begins to wake. She would have fallen back asleep if it were not for Malcolm’s presence by the window.

“Who’s there?” she asks groggily. Since her glasses are folded up on the little table beside the bed, he’s just a fuzzy outline of a man.

Malcolm turns to face her at the sound of her voice. “It’s Malcolm. I came to speak with you about Thea,” he responds quietly. “It will only take a moment, then I’ll leave you to your sleep.”

When she registers his voice, the blonde lets out a quiet groan as her eyes flutter shut and she shifts carefully in the bed.  “What is it?” she asks. “Is Thea okay?”

Malcolm is a little surprised by her questions, as she is the one in the hospital bed. With a small nod, he approaches her bedside. “Thea is fine. I should think you would be more worried about your own condition presently. After all, you were the one who was being shot at.” Stopping behind the chair at her bedside, he goes on. “I just wanted to tell you that you don’t need to watch Thea for me any longer. I’m aware that you now have other worries ahead of you and I won’t burden you with anything else.”

Felicity reaches for the little remote beside her bed so she can elevate the top to sit up. “Whatever you do, I’m still gonna watch out for Thea. I told you, she’s my friend. So if you want to keep texting or calling me, it’s fine. But if you don’t, it’s fine too.”

The man offers a small nod as he rests his hand on the back of the chair. There’s a little pause before he asks, “How are you feeling?”

“Not super,” Felicity responds with a breathless laugh. “Definitely seen better days.”

He nods in understanding as he stays quiet, wanting to say something else, but not exactly knowing what to say.

“You can sit, you know. You don’t have to just stand there awkwardly,” the blonde tells him with a soft sigh. “I’m awake now and I’m sure I won’t be sleeping for a little while.”

Malcolm is surprised by how civil the conversation is, but he supposes it takes quite a bit of effort to be spiteful of him and her energy is needed elsewhere. He takes a seat in the chair and gazes at the woman, just examining the expression on her face.

She looks worn out, as she should. It’s been quite an eventful couple of days between being kidnapped, rescued, proposed to, and shot. And her voice is noticeably quieter, her enunciation not as clear. He can tell that she is very weak, so he will not overstay his welcome.

But before he can say another word about leaving, Felicity speaks first.  “I guess I should thank you for helping save my life. Again. Gotta say, I was surprised when you showed up in Oliver’s suit.”

Malcolm sighs softly and offers a little shrug. “Truthfully, it was Oliver’s plan. And I should be thanking him for saving me from Darhk. For a moment, I honestly thought I was done for.”

A little smile curls on Felicity’s lips as she laughs breathlessly. “You’re Thea’s father. Oliver will never leave you to die.”

“Even after all I’ve done, that seems to hold true. Yet somehow, he manages to surprise me still,” the man admits. “Sometimes I wonder when my luck will run out with him.”

“Maybe if you gave him reason to save you, you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

With a dry chuckle, Malcolm shakes his head. “You mean if I stopped being _me_. If I started to be a normal father to Thea. If I stopped killing. But we both know that I won’t.”

“Why not?” Felicity asks. “I always wanted to ask. I know this all started when Brickwell murdered your wife, but he’s in jail now. You lost Tommy, but you still have Thea. Why not stop?”

Exhaling slowly, the man shuts his eyes and runs his hands over his face for a moment. For some reason, he feels as though he can trust Felicity. It’s an odd feeling. Once he’s composed his thoughts, he shakes his head. “I _can’t_. Yes, this all started with my Rebecca, but losing her opened my eyes. I was naïve to think that we were safe from harm. I never wanted to open myself or my family up to danger like that again. So I went away to the League of Assassins to train and become a better man. A warrior who could protect the people he loves most.”

“Seems counterintuitive,” the woman points out as she lets her eyes flutter shut for a short moment. “You leaving Tommy to go train with assassins.”

“Perhaps it was,” Malcolm agrees quietly. “But I couldn’t stay. Everywhere I looked, everything reminded me of her. Even Tommy.”

“You must’ve really loved her,” Felicity responds as she peeks out at Malcolm again, a little smile curling on her lips once more. “Hard to imagine you were ever in love with anyone.”

Though her teasing doesn’t quite transfer into her soft, weakened tone, Malcolm understands what she’s getting at. It even makes him smile a bit. “I did love her,” he agrees. “I still do.” He fidgets with his hands a bit, sliding off his Ra’s al Ghul ring so he can rub his ring finger, where his wedding ring would be. “But I do imagine it would be difficult to see me as much else than a killer,” he hums, glancing down at the ring in his hands. “Especially considering my position.”

“The new Ra’s al Ghul,” the blonde responds with a quiet hum of understanding. “Are you satisfied?”

The question has Malcolm sighing once more as he shakes his head and slides the ring back onto his finger. “No,” he says simply. “I don’t expect I ever will be. To have someone so _incredibly_ important to you ripped away—it leaves a void that can never be filled. No matter how hard you try to fill it.”

Felicity goes quiet as she gazes at the man. Surprisingly, she doesn't see the Malcolm, the man who murdered 503 people, or even Malcolm, the leader of the League of Assassins. She sees Malcolm, a man whose pain has consumed his life for the last twenty-something years. She sees a man who made his decisions out of grief and fear, not cold blood. It's quite a change from how she's seen him in the past, but it's not an unwelcome one.

“I know this is coming twenty-ish years late, but I’m sorry for your loss, Malcolm,” she tells him, eyes fluttering shut. “I can't imagine the kind of pain you went through. But if it's anything like the kind of pain I’m in, I get why you became an assassin. I’d kinda like to kill some people too.”

It’s an exaggeration, of course. An attempt at lightening the mood. Malcolm says nothing in response, but another smile twitches at the corners of his mouth.

Felicity catches a glimpse of the fleeting smile as she opens her eyes to look at the man again. Though she had seen him smile on occasion, it never quite felt real to her. She has always wondered why that was.

“How is it that you can still manage to crack jokes while in the hospital?” It’s more of a statement than a question, though he is quite surprised. He thought he had her figured out, just as he had figured out the rest of her friends.

Using the little strength she has, Felicity shrugs her shoulders and smiles at Malcolm. “It’s who I am. And the fact that so many people care about me and love me helps too. I know that I’m gonna be okay no matter what.”

Humming quietly, the archer offers a small nod of understanding. “It takes a special person to remain as optimistic as you while in the hospital,” he remarks quietly.

Smiling a little more, Felicity shuts her eyes and responds, “I think that was a compliment, but these pain meds are starting to kick in again, so I’ll just thank you anyway. You’re not so bad when you stop running in circles.”

A little smile appears on Malcolm’s lips as he sighs and begins to get to his feet. “I’ll let you rest,” he tells her as he straightens out his coat and moves around the chair he was seated in.

Felicity nods once more without opening her eyes and reclines her bed once more. “‘Night, Malcolm.”

Malcolm glances back over his shoulder when he reaches the door and nods once as he responds, “Good night, Felicity.”

While this evening was pleasant, the next time they meet is anything but.

\---

With Thea’s bloodlust growing worse, despite being momentarily sated by Damien Darhk’s magic, Malcolm becomes very worried. Since Felicity offered to keep him updated still, he contacts her every evening for an update on his daughter. But the day she falls ill, Felicity calls him. It’s not something to be told over text.

So Malcolm returns to Star City to be with his daughter and hear out Oliver’s proposal. Though it seems he’ll cooperate at first, Malcolm remembers Thea’s words. She would rather die than kill again.

All things considered, Thea’s wish, the uncertainty that the Lotus will fully heal her bloodlust, and his own plans for the League, Malcolm decides that the trade is not worthwhile. He can do more good as the leader of the League and he finally has to consider Thea’s feelings.

That’s how Malcolm ends up on the roof. The duel to the death between him and Nyssa—only Nyssa is not his opponent now. His fight is with Oliver, and he _loses_.

Maybe he was caught off guard or maybe he _threw_ the match. But truthfully, he would rather die than watch Nyssa ruin all that he had worked for. However, Oliver is merciful, if mercy can be called what he does next. Without his left hand, Malcolm is defenseless. A bow is of no use to him now, and with only one sword, half of his body is vulnerable to danger. Without the League, he’s just one man. He has loyalists, of course, but not enough to carry out his plans.

He’s contemplating all of this when Felicity barges in on him in the Arrowcave.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she demands as she wheels her chair over to his recovery bed.

Malcolm is in the midst of gathering his things to leave the place when she approaches.

“Hello to you too,” he responds dryly.

“Answer the question—what the hell is wrong with you?” Her brow is furrowed and she’s glaring harshly at the archer. “Because I can’t wrap my head around it. You talk a lot about how much you love your daughter, but you won’t give up your power to save her?”

“That is _not_ why,” he retorts sharply. “Do not presume to know me or my motives.”

“Then help me understand because I don’t _get it_ ,” Felicity says, wheeling closer to him, to prevent him from leaving just yet.

“I don’t owe you or anyone an explanation,” he says with a huff as he carefully tries to step around her.

But Felicity has gotten dexterous at maneuvering her chair, so she blocks him as she says, “But you do owe Oliver your life.”

“He should have _killed me_ ,” the archer responds immediately. “If he knew what was good for him, he would have killed me because he would have _known_ that taking my hand would bring him even worse fortune.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Felicity narrows her eyes at Malcolm as she continues blocking his escape route.

Malcolm lets out a deep sigh as he begrudgingly glances down to meet Felicity’s gaze. “Nothing yet,” he responds. “What do you want?”

Fingers curling around the wheel rims of her chair, Felicity asks, “Why didn’t you save Thea? She is your daughter and for all the times you claimed to love her, you didn’t save her. Oliver did.”

Narrowing his eyes at Felicity, Malcolm huffs at her, nostrils flaring as the anger boils up inside of him. “I love my daughter _very_ much. But the last time I spoke with her, I told her what was happening. That her bloodlust would kill her if she didn’t kill. She told me that she would rather _die_. I was respecting her wishes—”

“But this is the _second time_ she has almost died right in front of you. Did that not matter in weighing your decision? You’ve already lost two people who were very important to you, how could you not want to save the third?” By now, there is less anger in her voice and more confusion than anything else. She doesn’t understand Malcolm, but she wants to.

In any other circumstance, if he was talking to anybody else, Malcolm would not explain himself. But somehow, he’s come to trust Felicity. Perhaps she judged him, but as of recently, she’s at least _tried_ to hide his disdain of him. Not to mention that she cares fiercely about Thea.

So Malcolm takes a deep breath and shakes his head as he moves to sit on the edge of his bed for a moment. “I wasn’t confident in the abilities of the Lotus. I don’t doubt that it will bring Thea back from the brink of death—but I doubt its ability to permanently cure her bloodlust. It was too big a risk, especially knowing that if it did not, Thea would only fall ill to her bloodlust again. My giving up the League would be for naught.”

Felicity nods in understanding, but frowns a little. She’s still confused on one thing— “Why does the League matter so much to you that you would trade Thea’s life for it?”

Exhaling quietly, Malcolm shuts his eyes for a moment and shakes his head. “I’ve made many _questionable_ decisions in my life. Particularly after my beloved’s passing. But it was all in her name. I wanted to make the world better, just like her. Before, it was the Undertaking. Now it’s the League. With the League under my control, I can create _real change_. The League has been a force of change for hundreds of years. I know what they are capable of. What I am capable of with them. To enact worldwide change—it is worth _any_ person’s life.”

As Malcolm speaks, Felicity watches him carefully. She can see the pain in his eyes as he speaks, but she can also see the truth of his intent. He really believes that he can change the world. When she speaks again, her voice is much softer. “Would you have traded Rebecca’s life to make the world better?”

The question resonates in Malcolm’s mind and he immediately knows the answer. Never. Of course he wouldn’t. The mere thought makes him indescribably angry, so he gets to his feet and shakes his head. He needs to be far away from this place.

“Goodbye, Felicity,” he says shortly as he quickly makes his escape and leaves her in the empty room.

Felicity turns to watch him go silently. She really thinks that she will never understand that man. How wrong she is about that.

\---

Though Malcolm isn’t exactly hurt by Felicity’s inquisition, he isn’t exactly looking forward to speaking with her any time soon. So she contacts him first to give him his daily update on Thea.

[To Malcolm – 9:24 PM] Thea seemed okay today.

[To Felicity – 9:30 PM] thanks

For a while, that was the extent of their exchanges. But eventually, some almost-playful banter began to arise.

[To Malcolm – 8:45 PM] Update: Thea seems pretty bloodlust-free these days.

[To Felicity – 8:49 PM] good to hesse

[To Malcolm – 8:49 PM] Good to ‘hesse’? Am I supposed to GUESS what that means?

[To Felicity – 8:50 PM] *herd

[To Malcolm – 8:50 PM] Are we talking about cattle now or???

[To Felicity – 8:52 PM] HEAR

[To Malcolm – 8:52 PM] WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER TEXT

[To Felicity – 8:53 PM] _message read_

[To Malcolm – 9:03 PM] Need a HAND coming up with a response?

[To Felicity – 9:04 PM] I see your sense of humor has remained intact after your trauma

[To Malcolm – 9:04 PM] Hey, your typing is getting better! (See? I can be nice too.)

[To Felicity – 9:06 PM] I am using something called voice dictation I believe

[To Malcolm – 9:06 PM] You know, there are voice messages too. No text required.

[To Felicity – 9:07 PM] Yes but then I might as well call you

[To Malcolm – 9:07 PM] You have a point.

[To Felicity – 9:09 PM] Just because my lack of hand has turned my text messages illegible it does not mean that I have stopped making sense

[To Malcolm – 9:09 PM] Oh, I know. Making fun o you is just me having fun :)))))

[To Felicity – 9:10 PM] I didn’t know you were Irish Miss Smoak

[To Malcolm – 9:10 PM] What??

[To Malcolm – 9:10 PM] SHUT UP

[To Malcolm – 9:10 PM] BYE

[To Felicity – 9:13 PM] Good night, Felicity.

However, this daily banter comes to an end when Darhk kidnaps Oliver’s son. Felicity had no idea that Oliver even _had_ a son, but she sets all her focus on locating the lost boy. That is, until he’s found again. But once William is safe in the arms of his mother, Felicity places Oliver in the hot seat. This experience has proven to be the final straw for Felicity. She’s done with all of Oliver’s lies. So she leaves him. Just like that, it’s over.

Perhaps the situation could have been handled better than her quite literally _walking out_ , but she’s not sorry for her decision. Sometimes, she just has to do what’s best for herself. And sometimes, that means doing something completely insane.

\---

The insanity doesn’t strike until adrenaline is high. After lending a hand to help save millions of people from Damien Darhk, Genesis, and Rubicon, Felicity is in dire need of a drink… or ten. But seeing as her friends are all going their separate ways, it looks like she’ll be drinking alone.

That is, until Malcolm shows up. Just after Oliver leaves the ruins of his lair, Malcolm appears, looking tired and worn out as well.

“Looks like you’re in need of a new location to host your headquarters,” he remarks when he sees Felicity standing in the middle of the wreckage.

Felicity lifts her head to look at the man, then shakes her head with a sigh. “What I need is a drink,” she answers. “No offense, but you look like you could use a drink too.”

Malcolm nods as he taps his fingertips against his leg thoughtfully. “I could,” he agrees. “It’s been a bit of a day.”

The blonde carefully makes her way to one of the hidden cupboards where she knows Oliver has stashed his alcohol.  “Under the circumstances, I don’t think Oliver will mind if we drink some of this,” she muses as she pulls the bottle of vodka out, along with two glasses.

Chuckling under his breath, Malcolm clears some space on one of the tables and pulls the chairs over to it. Felicity pours them each a glass, then hands Malcolm his.

For a while, the pair of them drinks in silence. They both need a few moments of quiet to mull over the events of the last few days. It all seems so surreal that the world could have ended that night.

After Felicity has had three drinks and Malcolm five, it’s just too quiet. So as she pours them each another drink, she gives a breathless laugh, “To the resilience of Star City—somehow, it’s still standing.”

Malcolm hums with a small smile as he adds, “And to you and Curtis—for stopping its near destruction.”

Felicity grimaces as she swallows down the sip she takes, then shakes her head at his words. “Oh, no. Don’t toast to me. All I did was keep millions of people from dying at the cost of thousands of other people. That’s not an accomplishment, it’s a compromise.”

“But it was a compromise that had to be made,” Malcolm points out. “Millions or thousands—the choice was simple.”

“But it was still a choice. One that _I_ made. Who am I to decide who lives and who dies? I’m no one,” the blonde says as a frown tugs at the corners of her lips.

“You’re the woman who saved Star City. _Your_ city. Without you, far more people would have died,” Malcolm assures her as he quickly downs the rest of his drink. “And I’m not just talking about this city. You saved the _world_ , Felicity. Genesis would have stripped the world back down to its core.”

Felicity stays quiet as her head rests against her hand, elbow braced on the tabletop. Honestly, she’s not feeling too heroic.

But suddenly, Malcolm’s hand is reaching out to tilt her chin up so she can see him. He’s leaned in closer, perhaps a little too close for comfort, but she’s not protesting.

“Felicity,” he starts softly, her name like a breath on his lips. “Without you, this entire planet would be in ruins. You saved us all.”

In this moment, neither of them is in their right minds. Their blood is made of alcohol and each of them is certainly feeling the effects of it.

It’s as if their hearts are beating in synchrony. Malcolm can feel her heartbeat against his fingertips and she can feel his in return. It creates a strong attraction in the moment and suddenly, they’re both leaning in, lips pressing together.

Not once in her life since meeting the man did Felicity think she’d ever end up here. Maybe she noticed once or twice how aesthetically attracted she was to him, but she had always thought that his personality and character counteracted the pull. Yet here she is, lips pressed to his and fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt.

As for Malcolm—he never denied that Felicity was beautiful. He had always silently acknowledged this. And perhaps he had felt an attraction to her too, but she was off-limits as well. Not only was she a friend of his daughter’s, but she _despised_ him, so he thought. He never expected he’d be here, hands on her face as he kissed her.

The moment is long, almost never-ending. But as all good things must, it comes to an end. Malcolm lingers against her lips for as long as she’ll let him, then quietly gasps to catch his breath as their foreheads rest together. His eyes flicker to hers, but hers are still shut. She’s panting quietly, listening to the rhythm of her heartbeat in her ears.

When she finally peeks out at him, there’s a hint of a smile on his lips. It has a light blush rushing to her cheeks as she turns away, sucking her lower lip into her mouth as she tries to determine what just happened.

Seeing that Felicity is unsure, Malcolm sits back in his seat and looks to his empty glass.

Moving to pour himself another, the archer offers to pour the hacker another as well, but she shakes her head.

“I shouldn’t. I should, uh—I should head home and-and clean up the place. It’s kind of a wreck,” she explains as she gets to her feet.

Nodding in understanding, Malcolm hums quietly and sips his drink. “I think I’ll stay a little while longer,” he murmurs.

Gathering up her things, Felicity nibbles her lower lip and avoids looking at Malcolm. She should just go home and forget about this—but she can’t. The problem is that she _really_ wants to kiss him again. She’s hooked already.

So as she makes her way out, she pauses by the door. “If you want to come over for coffee, you’re welcome to,” she tells him. “I could use some company while I clean.”

At the sound of her voice, Malcolm lifts his eyes to meet hers, then responds with a nod. “Maybe I will,” he says softly.

“Good,” Felicity says with a smile. But feeling that she’s given away her eagerness, she adds, “I mean, you don’t have to come over. It’s fine if you don’t! But if you do, that’d be good too.”

With a little chuckle, Malcolm returns the smile and nods at her words. “I’ll be there.”

“Okay,” she says, beaming as she turns away and heads up to call an Uber to drive her home.

As soon as she arrives at her loft, she’s frantically running around her apartment in an attempt to tidy up the place. For the most part, the glass and stray pieces of circuitry have all been swept away, so all that’s left to be done is make the place look like her home again. But before she can do any of that, there’s a knock at her door.

“Malcolm!” she exclaims when she sees the man at the door.

“Are you surprised? I did say I was coming over,” he chuckles, stepping in when she moves for him to do so.

Shaking her head, the blonde responds, “Nope, not surprised. I just didn’t get a chance to do much. I didn’t even start the coffee—”

A smile spreads across Malcolm’s lips as Felicity speaks quickly, as always. He reaches out to place his hands on her shoulders and turn her back to face him. “To hell with the coffee,” he says before leaning down to kiss her once more.

He’s relieved to find that Felicity doesn’t push him away. He hasn’t read the situation completely wrong. In fact, he’s read everything correctly. Felicity leans up to meet his lips eagerly, hands pressed to his chest. Seeing as Felicity has begun to tug him toward the stairs, Malcolm smiles against her lips and carefully reaches back to push the door shut.

\---

In the morning, Malcolm is still fast asleep, Felicity curled up against his chest. His chest rises and falls in time with hers, arms wrapped around her middle as her cheek is pressed against his heart.

Unfortunately, Malcolm is a light sleeper. So the knocking at the door below wakes him. With a quiet groan, he lifts his hand and runs it over his face. Then he sighs quietly and gazes down at the woman still sleeping against him. He’s hesitant to wake her as she’s sleeping peacefully, but hearing the urgency of the knocks, he decides he should.

“Felicity,” he murmurs softly, resting a hand on her shoulder. His thumb strokes the curve of her shoulder as he carefully draws her out of her sleep with a gentle kiss.

It’s just enough pressure to wake her. Eyes fluttering open as Malcolm pulls back, the blonde gazes up at him with a startled gaze followed by a little smile.

“Good morning,” the man whispers with a quiet chuckle.

“You’re still here,” she whispers back.

He nods at her words and gently brushes the hair out of her eyes. “Indeed, I am.”

Just then, Felicity hears the knocking and she’s shocked back into reality. “—You’re still here and there’s someone at the door.”

Wrapping the sheet around herself, Felicity sits up quickly and shivers at the cool air against her back. Knowing that Malcolm is still looking at her, she glances over her shoulder and gently nudges his chest with her fingertips. “Can you turn around for a sec?”

Malcolm chuckles as he raises an eyebrow at the woman, smiling rather smugly. “I’ve already seen you naked, you know.”

She wrinkles her nose at him and shoves his chest just a little harder.

“Alright, alright,” he says with an amused hum, rolling over to face away from her.

Once he has, Felicity carefully tiptoes across her bedroom to grab her silk robe and wrap it around herself. Then she quickly makes her way down the stairs to answer the door.

“—Oliver! You’re here, at my apartment—at nine o’clock in the morning,” she says breathlessly, trying to mask her panic.

“Yeah, I am,” Oliver nods as he smiles at the blonde. “I just came to drop off a box of computer stuff that was in the lair. I figured since we’re relocating, it would be best to clear the old place out.”

There’s a pause when he realizes that Felicity isn’t dressed. His smile doesn’t falter, but there’s certainly a change in his eyes. “Sorry, were you still asleep?”

Felicity’s cheeks go red as she tries to play off the awkwardness and shakes her head. “No, no, it’s totally fine. You can set the box over on the table,” she assures him as she pulls the door open for him to come inside.

As the slightly awkward exchange goes on, Malcolm silently catches a glimpse from above. He has slipped out of bed and is currently standing in the shadows, curious to see who had been at the door. When he sees that it’s Oliver, he can’t help the smug smile that spreads across his lips. But he makes no sounds as he returns to Felicity’s bed to wait for her.

By the time Oliver leaves, Felicity’s a little shaken up. Seeing him now after her drunken fling with Malcolm makes her question the entire situation. What is she doing? What is _he_ doing? What does this mean for either of them?

She’s just about talked herself out of letting Malcolm stay by the time she reaches her bedroom—but then she takes one look at him and she’s done for.

He’s lying on his stomach, cheek pressed to the pillow, eyes shut. The covers have shifted down and pooled just below his lower back, and in the moment, the sunlight hits him just right.

Upon feeling her presence in the room, Malcolm carefully peeks up at her, smiling into the pillow as he sighs in contentment. He lifts his arm and offers Felicity a spot beside him as he asks, “Who was at the door?”

Felicity sighs as she tries very hard not to be mesmerized by the toned curves of his body when she sits on the edge of her bed. “That was Oliver,” she tells him, not moving too close.

“Oh?” Malcolm questions as he carefully turns onto his side to face her, propping himself up on his elbow. “What did he want?”

“He was dropping off some of my computer stuff from the lair,” Felicity says, pointedly ignoring his abdomen as the sheets shift with his movement.

Malcolm silently notes her avoidance and smirks a bit when she avoids looking at him altogether. “I see.”

“Yeah… and you know, I got to thinking—maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” she starts.

But before she can go on to explain, Malcolm is moving himself closer to her. He sits up carefully, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he leans in and presses a single kiss to her neck. “Is that so?”

“Well, y-yeah, I mean—um, this is… what is this?” she stammers when she feels his lips brush the skin of her neck.

Humming lowly against her jaw, Malcolm presses another small kiss to the spot under her ear. “What do you want this to be?” His lips linger near her ear as he waits for a response from her.

She hadn’t realized that her heart rate had risen yet again, but now it’s practically pounding out of her chest. “What do _I_ want?” she repeats as she tries to clear the desirous haze from her head.

“Yes,” Malcolm whispers in her ear. “What do _you_ want?”

Beginning to reply, the words, “I want,” leave her lips. But she trails off as she makes her final mistake. In turning to look at him, she sees his eyes, then his lips, and suddenly she’s kissing him again.

As she kisses him, she presses forward, pushing him until she’s on top of him. When she pulls back, she’s breathless. But with her next breath, she finally says, _“You.”_

\---

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, the cycle repeats itself. Felicity ends up in bed with Malcolm, questioning her head when she wakes—then completely forgetting when he kisses her and offers to cook breakfast. However, they still haven’t quite defined what this is, which worries Felicity when she’s thinking clearly.

Tonight, Felicity has decided that she needs to talk to him, no matter what it could mean for their arrangement. She needs to set some ground rules.

But when Malcolm appears at the door, all her thoughts fly completely out the window. He had been away for the last few days, which was enough time for her to clear her head, but that also meant seeing him had a stronger pull on her.

Before he can say much of anything, she’s pulling him into her apartment and tugging him down to kiss her. Malcolm doesn’t protest at all, so he lets the hacker take control of the kiss. She pulls him towards the couch and pushes him down on it before climbing on top of him.

When she breaks for breath, Malcolm chuckles up at her and teases, “Hello to you too.”

“Shut up,” she responds as she begins pulling off the layers she had donned to ‘protect herself,’ so to speak. They were meant to be defenses against the archer’s special brand of witchcraft, but now they simply serve as a hindrance.

Kissing him again, Malcolm smirks into the kiss, resting his hands on her hips. He carefully tugs the hem of her blouse out of her skirt so that his hands can rest against the skin of her lower back.

As she deepens the kiss, Felicity’s fingers fumble with the buttons of her blouse, but she manages to get it off in record time. She’s starting on Malcolm’s shirt when the front door swings open.

“Felicity? Are you—oh, sorry! I didn’t know Barry was in town, and— _Dad_?”

Thea’s voice startles Felicity and has her instantly panicking. “Thea! It’s-it’s not what it looks like—”

“Really? ‘Cause it looks like you’re making out with my _dad_ ,” the girl says. She hopes her face doesn’t give away how horrified she feels. (Or maybe she does, she’s not sure.) Mostly, she's trying very hard to unsee the scene she saw.

“What brings you here, Thea?” Malcolm asks as he sits up, handing Felicity the blouse she had tossed away.

Thea looks from Felicity to her father, her brow furrowing. “I left a box of stuff here when I moved out and Felicity said I could come get it whenever since I still have a key.”

While the two of them talk, Felicity is scrambling to put her blouse back on. “I did say that,” she nods when she turns back to Thea, fidgeting nervously as she stands before her. But before she says anything else, she turns to Malcolm and says, “Would you mind getting her box? It’s in the guest room.”

Malcolm knows that Felicity wants to talk to Thea herself, so he nods and rises from the couch silently.

Once he’s gone, Thea looks at Felicity and sighs at her, shaking her head. “What the hell, Felicity? I know the break-up with Ollie was hard on the both of you, but—my _dad_? Seriously?”

“I know. I know, I know, there’s something wrong with me,” Felicity says frantically as she starts to pace, fingers massaging her temples. “I don’t know how it happened, one minute we’re just drinking, then we’re kissing—and I’ll spare you the rest of the details.”

The blonde sits down on the couch, face pressed into her hands. “What is _wrong_ with me? I was engaged to a gorgeous guy who cared about me and who loved me—”

“Who also _lied_ to you,” Thea points out gently as she sits down beside her. “I’m not… saying that you should or shouldn’t have broken up with Ollie. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

As Felicity leans against her softly, Thea gently nudges her shoulder. “You’re like family to me. Whether that’s as my sister-in-law or as my _step-mom_ —”

“Whoa, whoa there,” Felicity sits up a little so she can look at Thea and shake her head. “This,” she gestures to where she and Malcolm had been before Thea interrupted. “This is _not_ a relationship.”

“It’s not?” Thea asked, brow still furrowed.

“No, no, no, no. Nope. Nuh uh. I-I don’t know _what_ it is, but it’s definitely _not_ a relationship,” Felicity assures her.

Thea looks at her face carefully, doing her best to read her expression. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yeah, totally,” the hacker confirms, trying to play it off like she’s certain.

But the girl knows better than to believe that. Seeing as her father hasn’t returned with the box just yet, she decides to ask, “But… could it become one?”

“What? No, of course not,” Felicity says with a forced laugh. “Believe me—the last thing I want to do is to make things weird for everyone.”

Thea frowns a little more as she tilts her head at the blonde. “Felicity, if you’re… happy, with him or with someone else, we’ll get over it. You deserve to be happy.”

Felicity gazes down at her hands in her lap as she takes a deep breath and then exhales. Then she nods and turns to look at Thea with a little smile. “Thanks,” she says quietly.

Just then, Malcolm descends the stairs with the box in his arms. As he makes his way down, Thea and Felicity rise from the couch.

“Well, I guess I’ll be on my way then,” Thea sighs, taking the box from her father.

As Malcolm places an arm around his daughter’s shoulder in a half-hug, Thea leans into him and warns, “If you hurt her, I’ll kill you myself.”

This only makes Malcolm chuckle a bit, but he gets her point. “I don’t doubt that you’ll try.”

Nodding up at him, Thea glances around him to Felicity and offers a little smile. “Bye, Felicity.”

“Bye Thea,” the blonde calls back, wringing her hands nervously as Malcolm shuts the door.

With a deep sigh, the man turns back toward the woman, a little smile on his face when he sees her frowning. “Hey,” he says softly, placing his hands on her arms. “Everything’s alright, isn’t it?”

“Malcolm, we need to talk,” the blonde responds, avoiding his eyes.

Shaking his head with a quiet exhale, Malcolm sits down on the couch, bringing Felicity into his lap. “Then let’s talk,” he agrees. “Do you mind if I go first?”

Without looking at him, Felicity shakes her head and simply leans into him a bit.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he begins quietly. “I know you’ve been questioning this. Us. You’re not sure if it’s right because you disagree with the things I’ve done in the past. But you like the things I do when I’m with you. The way I hold you… The way I kiss you…” His words grow softer as he begins pressing little kisses to her neck. “You’re uncertain of if you want to continue to be with me.”

“Malcolm,” Felicity sighs as she leans away from his kisses.

“If you’re truly unsure of this arrangement, we needn’t go on,” he tells her, trying to catch her gaze. “I’m not going to force a fit that isn’t right. And if you’re questioning us, it isn’t right.”

Shutting her eyes, the woman tries very hard to clear her head. Currently, her mind is swimming in many thoughts and emotions. The rational part of her is telling her to get out. That he’s giving her a way out and she should take it. But the emotional part of her is saying, _‘Stay. He doesn’t seem so bad when he’s with you.’_ She doesn’t know what to do.

“I… I think we should…” she whispers, trailing off into silence. The words she wants to say pain her, just a little bit. The part of her that thinks he’d treat her well, that she’d be happy with him, has been keeping her from thinking whenever she’s with him. Even his voice is enough to get her to change her mind. But now that she isn’t looking at him, it’s a little easier.

However, he makes it even easier for her. He knows what she wants to say. “If you want an out, this is it,” he tells her. “It’s better we get out now than hurt each other later.”

Felicity nibbles her lower lip as she feels Malcolm set her beside him, then get to his feet. “I’ll see myself out,” he says as he begins to head toward the door.

But just as his hand touches the doorknob, he feels hers grabbing his other hand. As he gazes back at her, he waits for her words.

“One last time,” she says. “But that’s it.”

Lips slowly turning upward in a smile, Malcolm retracts his hand from the doorknob. “Okay,” he agrees as he carefully leans down and sweeps the woman off her feet. “One last time.”

\---

It’s supposed to be the last time. And for a while, it is. Malcolm keeps his distance from Felicity and she keeps her distance from him. Malcolm even goes so far as to fly across the world for a few weeks. He has business everywhere, so it doesn’t quite matter where he goes. Unfortunately for him, he has enemies just about everywhere he has business.

So that’s how he ends up in an ambushed in Shanghai. They catch him off guard. For once, he’s overwhelmed. For weeks, he remains captive. They take him before the heads of various crime families. They torture him, extort him, the whole nine yards. By the end of it, he’s lucky to be alive.

But finally, he makes it home to Star City. But when he stands outside his apartment, he feels empty and numb. He doesn’t want to go inside. He’ll only be alone with himself and all his thoughts. For once, that’s a bad thing.

Instead of going inside, he walks all the way to Felicity’s apartment. It’s dark and hardly anybody is on the streets. He supposes it’s nighttime, but he hasn’t stopped to check. It doesn’t matter. What matters is finding Felicity. What for, he’s not sure. Just to see her, he supposes.

When he arrives at her door, he doesn’t hesitate to knock. He’s come too far to chicken out.

Inside the loft, Felicity is hard at work. Her new job is very demanding and she’s not about to let her boss down. She’s nibbling on the end of her pen when she hears the knock at the door. Carefully, stepping over all of the papers spread out on the floor where she’s seated, she turns down the music on her laptop and heads for the door.

The first thing she sees is Malcolm’s face, beaten and bruised. His left eye is swollen and the blood from his lip has dried, but it would seem that his whole body is covered in marks of black and blue. She’s shocked to say the least.

“Malcolm?”

The man is now leaning in the doorway, head drooping as it rests against the doorframe. “In the flesh,” he responds softly, a little smile curling on cracked lips.

“Oh my god. Just—” she sighed, “Get inside.”

When Felicity pulls the door open, Malcolm staggers into the apartment, glancing around aimlessly. He doesn’t wait for any instruction from her, instead going to seat himself on the couch.

“I—you just—you don’t get to come and just—I’ll clean you up. You can sleep here tonight, because god knows you need it. You can shower, you can eat my food, you can do _whatever_. But in twelve hours you’re leaving, and you are _not_ coming back here. We made a deal. We said we were done.”

Though he’s listening, Malcolm doesn’t really respond. He’s in a strange sort of daze still. He almost doesn’t even believe he’s here.

“...Orrrr you can just _stand there_ while I offer you help. I mean unless you just showed up at my door with blood on your shirt for a different reason, which I _highly_ doubt. There’s radio silence from you and you have the nerve to show up at my door at…” She glances to the clock before looking back at the man, a frown on her face. “Two in the morning. Thea was worried, _I_ was worried—”

Gaze rising to the blonde, a small smirk appears on his lips once again. “Were you?” He lets out a quiet laugh as he rests back against the couch. “Then I _must_ be hallucinating.” Honestly, he isn’t certain of his mental state. _Is_ he hallucinating? Normally, he can tell the difference. But after having been held captive and tortured for an extended amount of time, he’s not so certain anymore.

At this point, Felicity is _very_ done with him. But of course, she isn’t _really_. In fact, she’s feeling _a lot_ of different emotions all at once—anger, annoyance, hurt—so she lets out a quiet scoff and shakes her head as she forces herself to step away from him. “I wish you were.”

Sighing in exasperation, Felicity makes her way toward the kitchen to grab an ice pack from the freezer. Then she returns to her previous spot, pausing before tossing the ice pack toward the man to gauge his reaction. The ice pack falls against his knee, then to the cushion beside him. When he doesn’t respond, the hacker frowns, a bit of concern arising in her mind.

However, she tries to play it off by saying, “That wasn’t my fault, that was a beautiful throw, your reaction time sucked just a bit.”

Malcolm looks to the ice pack, then picks it up, surprised by the weight of it. For some reason, he hadn’t anticipated it to feel so heavy. “I must be more tired than I thought,” he mumbles, pressing the ice to his eye.

“No offense, but you look like hell. If you can stay awake for ten more minutes I can dress your wounds and then you can go to bed. I’ll sleep on the sofa, you can have my bed. Can you walk?” she asks him.

Malcolm nods at her words and hums quietly. “I _did_ walk all the way here. Where are we going?”

“Bathroom. I’m gonna put you in the tub so we can get you cleaned up.”

With a soft grunt, he gets to his feet. “Alright, lead the way.”

It’s a slow journey, but once he’s settled in the tub, both of them are relieved.

As Malcolm settles in the tub, he rests the ice against his eye, sighing happily at the temporary relief.

“You—get out of your clothes—I mean, just your top. I’m gonna grab the first aid kit.” the hacker says.

Murmuring softly in agreement, he sets the ice pack aside on the ledge, then tugs his tattered shirt off, grimacing a bit. There’s a good chance that his right arm is sprained. This makes removing his shirt difficult, as his prosthetic left hand is missing.

But he manages somehow, and soon Felicity returns with the bandages and antiseptic. “Actually, I think I’m going to need you to take your pants off for me too,” she tells him as she carefully goes for his belt.

_This is **definitely** a hallucination,_ he thinks to himself. _There’s no way this could happen otherwise._

So he chuckles lowly, arching his hips carefully so she can tug off his pants as he smirks to her. “Mmh, déjà vu.”

At this, Felicity has to restrain herself from rolling her eyes at him. _This is_ the _worst night I have had since that one time Mom made me get rid of that stray cat. I wonder what happened to that cat. It was kind of like Malcolm. Dark, grumpy, and absolutely infuriating. May you live a good life, Qwerty._

But instead of speaking aloud, she retrieves a clean washcloth from the linen closet while she thinks to herself, then runs it under some warm water. She tosses the washcloth at Malcolm, sighing heavily, “I’ll stay in here with you, let me know if you need help with your back or your side or anything, really.”

Nodding at the woman’s words, Malcolm picks up the washcloth with a hum, smirk still resting on his lips. As he wipes the grime and blood from his limbs, he winces with discomfort. He works slowly, taking his time until he’s fairly clean. However, he can’t quite reach the wound that extends from his upper back down his side, so he glances to the blonde and carefully sits forward. “Could you help me with this?”

With a tired sigh, Felicity nods and drags herself to kneel beside the tub. “Yeah, yeah, of course. What _happened_ to you?”

Malcolm huffs out a quiet laugh and shuts his eyes for a moment. “I highly doubt it is a story you would enjoy.”

“That’s probably very true, especially knowing your track record,” she agrees. So instead of pressing the subject, she remains quiet and cautiously begins to cleanse the gash on his side.

After a few minutes, the wound has been successfully cleaned, so all that’s left to do is find Malcolm some clothes.

Letting the man rest on his own for a moment, Felicity goes to rummage through the drawers of her dresser, trying to see what she can find. Unfortunately, all she has is her own clothes—and one of Oliver’s shirts and a pack of brand new boxers.

When she returns to the bathroom, she sets the clothes on the counter and kneels down by the tub. “You doin’ alright in here?” she asks Malcolm gently.

His eyes have fluttered shut and now he’s reclined back against the bathtub, head resting against the wall. He offers a soft hum, a smile pulling at his lips.

Sitting back on her heels, the woman hums softly. “If you’re ready, I’ll help you get out and get dressed and patch up that cut.”

With a little groan, Malcolm sits up and nods in response to her words. “Thank you,” he says, straining as he gets to his feet, leaving the ice pack on the ledge of the tub as Felicity drains the water.

Accepting Felicity’s help, he carefully steps out onto the bathmat and takes the clean towel from her. The process of dressing is slow, but they get there eventually.

Once Malcolm is completely dressed, Felicity guides him over to her bedroom to sit on the bed. She has him lie back and pulls his borrowed shirt up enough to see his wound. “This is probably gonna sting a little,” she murmurs as she pats the cut with a disinfectant wipe.

But the archer doesn’t even bat an eye. “Pain and I are old friends,” he explains softly. “It’s a rare occasion when it turns on me.”

He stays as still as he can while Felicity cleans the cut, then bandages up his side. Once she’s done, she gazes at him softly and asks, “How are you feeling? I mean, you must feel like crap, but is there anything else wrong besides your cuts and missing your hand?”

Malcolm chuckles as he smiles up at Felicity with a quiet sigh. “An astute observation, Miss Smoak. I believe I have a sprained arm, and possibly a concussion. What do you propose we do about that?”

“Well,” Felicity hums softly and gets to her feet. “Since it’s late, I’m gonna wrap up your arm. A sling isn’t the most comfortable thing to sleep in. I can check you for a concussion, but there’s really not much I can check other than your eyes. Once we have that all taken care of, I’ll call Curtis and see if he can get an ‘unnamed friend’ a new prosthetic, if he can’t, I’ll try to call Cisco in the morning.”

Humming in amusement, Malcolm shuts his eyes, a smile still present on his lips. “Thank you,” he murmurs, feeling the pull to sleep already.

However, he’s still awake when Felicity returns with a bandage for his arm. Then she sits on the edge of the bed once more and gently nudges Malcolm’s thigh with her hip. “From what I know, you should see a doctor or something, but since it’s three o’clock in the morning, that’ll have to wait. You haven’t vomited or anything, right?”

Malcolm shakes his head as he sits up a bit more, since he had begun to slouch.

“Great,” she hums. “Personally, I’m not seeing any symptoms of concussion, but you know what happened to you and not me, so you can call your doctor or shady medical person in the morning. I’m gonna wrap your arm first. Then I’ll check your pupils to see if they’re dilated and I’ll write everything down for you in case you start to have memory problems.”

Taking the man’s hand, she diligently wraps the bandage around Malcolm’s arm, replicating what she had seen on the video she looked up. All the while, Malcolm keeps his eyes on the woman, gazing at her fondly.

The days that he was held captive, he had few thoughts. Most of them were plans to escape, but some were of where he would go when he would escape. Home. But what did that mean to him at this point? Where was home? It took him a few days to realize that home was still Star City, as it had always been. Before, Star City was home because it was where Rebecca lived. Then it was his home because he and Rebecca had Tommy. When they died, home disappeared. Slowly but surely, it came back for Thea. And now, Star City is home because he was happy there. All the people he loved had lived in Star City. And the one other person he thinks he could love lives there too. This revelation gave him a newfound strength and renewed his will to live.

With this in mind, and the belief that he is in fact hallucinating, Malcolm gazes up at Felicity and whispers, “I missed you.”

Felicity glances up from her task for a short moment to meet his gaze. “What?”

“I missed you,” he repeats. “It’s been a long time since I missed someone like I missed you.”

Felicity clears her throat and tries to divert him. “Do you still miss Rebecca?”

There’s a quiet hum from the man as he answers, “Yes, but… less when I’m with you.”

Once the bandage is secured around his arm, Felicity sighs and picks up her penlight to shine in his eyes. “Look right here at my nose real quick,” she instructs. She moves the light around to get a better look at his good eye. Then she shuts off the light and sets it aside. “It looks like your pupils aren’t dilated, so that’s good. Or at least, I think both of them are good. Your black eye makes it hard to see the other one, but if one pupil is dilated and the other isn’t, I think you have an entirely different problem.”

“Thank you, Felicity,” he says softly, catching her gaze. “For everything. You could’ve sent me away when I showed up at your door, but you let me in. And you helped me.”

“I wouldn’t be a decent human being if I didn’t let you in, I meant what said about you having twelve hours here.” _It would be too hard for me to have you here any longer._

“Felicity.” His voice is very quiet as he carefully slides his left arm around her waist and tugs her closer to him. “I miss you,” he states.

“You said that already,” she responds with a shake of her head as she pushes his arm off of her and gets to her feet.

“I said I _missed_ you, past tense,” he clarifies. “I _miss_ you. Present tense.”

“I’ll call Thea in the morning to pick you up. If I tell her you’re here now, she’ll be here in 15 minutes and you’ll get some grand lecture on how you don’t deserve to be alive or something,” she jokes, trying to steer the conversation away from a place she’s been running from.

There’s a long pause of silence as Malcolm exhales and leans back against the headboard of the bed. For a moment, he feels like giving up. But something inside of him decides to push just one last time. So he raises his gaze to her again. “Do you miss me?” he asks, voice quiet.

Those words—so simple, yet so complex. Deep down, she knows the answer. _Yes._ She misses him. The way he held her and kissed her and touched her—it was always perfect. She even misses the corny banter they had. But she’s been very unwilling to admit that to herself, let alone to him. All this time that they were apart, she had pushed the feelings down. But now, here they all are. Just below the surface.

Nibbling her lower lip, Felicity sighs. She then cautiously meets his gaze. “I don’t want to, but I do.”

At the small confession, Malcolm’s lips part and he draws in a soft breath. “We never gave _us_ a proper try,” he says quietly. “I want to try.”

“No. No, Malcolm… I can’t. We can’t be doing this. This isn’t even about me freaking out about Thea or people finding out, it’s me freaking out about _you_. You’re not a good person Malcolm. You’re not someone I should be spending the rest of my life with, and I just can’t do _us_.”

Malcolm understands Felicity’s reservations, and that’s what hurts the most. She’s right. He hadn’t planned on stopping any of his projects. Some of them were fairly harmless. Others were not. But her words have him reevaluating everything. He’s tired of being alone. It’s been well over twenty years since he lost his beloved, and while he had sought the company of others, nothing ever came close to another relationship. What he had with Felicity had been the closest. So it’s at this point that it becomes painfully obvious to him that he is _not_ hallucinating.

Now that he has some thinking to do, the man sighs quietly. “I understand,” he nods. “But… for the time being, will you stay here with me?” There’s no rational reason for his asking her to stay. Only an emotional one. He misses her, physically, mentally, and emotionally. If nothing else, her presence will make him feel a bit better.

The blonde hesitates, she really shouldn’t. “Fine. Give me four inches of space and I’m only going to wait an hour, but then I’m gonna move to the sofa.”

“That’s fine,” he agrees, shifting carefully to lie down. Once he’s settled, Malcolm shuts his eyes and sighs tiredly. “Good night, Felicity.”

As Malcolm drifts off, Felicity sits on her half of the bed, gazing at the man absently as a million thoughts run through her mind. His leaving had hurt her more than she had expected—but now he’s back, he’s _here_ in her bed—how did this even happen? Half of her had missed him, but the other half knew that it wasn’t right. That _they_ weren’t right. Yet, he always made her feel good in more ways than she could describe… So what’s the harm in trying, right? He cares about her, and she cares about him. Her own concerns were what had driven them apart before, but maybe if she could set them aside, if she could stop worrying about what _might_ happen—then maybe they could work.

As she contemplates all of this, she hardly notices the way her eyelids droop. She doesn’t register lying down, but soon after, she’s fast asleep.

\---

In the morning, Felicity wakes to warmth all around her. At first, she’s a bit disoriented. But then she realizes that she’s wrapped up in someone’s arms. It takes her a moment to realize that someone is Malcolm.

The moment is very peaceful and she surprisingly doesn’t feel panicked at all. Her eyes scan over his features as he continues resting peacefully. She recalls the moment she opened the door and saw him the night before. When he first appeared, she had been furious. And like she had told him, he had looked like hell. But now, he simply looks peaceful, calm, rested. It’s a good look on him, if she’s being honest. There’s even a faint smile on his lips.

It’s then that a single thought pops into her head. _‘Yeah… I could get used to this.’_ It’s a startling thought. One that has her questioning herself yet again. Was it the right choice to stop this relationship before it starts? Or is she trying to protect herself from something she doesn’t need protection from? Yes, Malcolm has done wrong in the past. But that doesn’t guarantee the future.

Her thoughts are interrupted, however, by Malcolm himself. He wakes with a content sigh and a quiet hum, which is followed by his eyes fluttering open. They immediately focus on Felicity, who appears to be dazed by the sight of him.

“Good morning,” he whispers.

“‘Morning,” she whispers back.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “I did.”

Another comfortable silence falls over them as Malcolm gives a quiet hum and lets his eyes fall shut. Felicity’s gaze turns very fond at the sight of the man, and suddenly, she’s made a decision. “Malcolm?”

“Hm?” The man’s eyes flutter open again.

“I want to do it,” she tells him softly. “I mean, I want to try. I want to try ‘us’ and I don’t want to be pushing you away anymore.”

“Is that so?” Malcolm asks, a wide smile spreading across his lips. He can hardly believe it. “If I might ask, what changed your mind?”

Shrugging a little as she moves closer to him, Felicity hums. “You. Here, like this. Calm and peaceful, not the whole sprained arm thing, that we can work around. I just, I don’t know. I want to try.”

“Well, I’m certainly not opposed to that,” he chuckles.

“Yeah?” the blonde asks with a big smile.

“Yeah,” Malcolm chuckles. “Let’s give us a try.”

Felicity gives a quiet hum of contentment as she gazes up at the man. Then she carefully cups his cheek in her hands and tilts his face down for another tender kiss. By the time they part, Malcolm is feeling quite smug, so he assures her, “There’s definitely more where that came from.”

**Author's Note:**

> So basically, this particular fic is meant to be a basis for future Merlicity fics. I decided that it was important to show how Felicity stopped hating Malcolm before jumping right into the shippy stuff. If you want more Merlicity, please let me know!


End file.
